i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
