I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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