Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
