I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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