Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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