I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
