I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
