this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize