Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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