He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
