Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
