I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
