ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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