I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
