paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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