It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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