Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
