Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
