all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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