This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
