It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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