I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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