wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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