if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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