At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
