I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
you had me at cake vodka
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
