Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
