I only kidnapped one of them. chill
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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