just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
