Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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