Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
