and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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