I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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