I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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