Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
