Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
