Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
