Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
