I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Holy shit dude........stairs
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
