remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
In America we eat man semen.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
