that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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