Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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