you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
