Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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