Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
