the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
