At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
