I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
