don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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