Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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