I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
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