we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
