I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
