I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
