Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
