You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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