Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
