She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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