Cold hands, warm shart.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
even my farts smell like vagina
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
