how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
