We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you win again, gameday.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I got inside last night via doggy door
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Randomize
