Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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