He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
