Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
