So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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