I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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