the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
